Salford City Reds 10 Les Catalans Dragons 0

Some days are just so perfect they should be preserved in the memory forever. While this day won't be remembered for breathtaking sporting entertainment it will be remembered (by me anyway) as the day that Salford finally got their first win of the season AND United took a huge step towards winning back the title with a famous win at Anfield. Happy days!

I was up unfeasibly early for a Saturday, an admin cock-up at work had meant that I had to go to my branch of my bank to get my hands on my hard-earned pittance. Only problem being, my branch is in Leeds! After sorting out my cash & dashing back to civilisation, I got a taxi down to the Height to join everyone in the Dog for the early kick-off from Anfield. I walked in the Dog to find row after row of unfamiliar faces, a quick phone call solved the mystery "We're in the Welly" thanks for telling me lads!

Optimism was very low around the table, the feeling was we'd be more than happy with a draw. Bobby however was his usual up-beat self and was confident that Vidic would do the job for us, so much so that he'd staked 2 whole pounds of his hard-earned on the no-nonsense Serb opening the scoring. Nic & Janice turned up just before kick-off & we started to frantically look for a corner with no view of a telly to stick Janice in (she's a notorious jinx when it comes to Utd games).

The game was frenetic stuff as you'd expect from a Scouse v Utd game where the stakes are so high. To be fair Liverpool had most of it but Ronaldo always offered us a dangerous outlet. The 2nd half was real backs to the wall stuff though, the freak looked to have made the breakthrough but Van Der Sar made an amazing save & the draw was still on. It might have got better when Saha tricked his way through & was clearly brought down but a penalty? At Anfield? At the Kop end? No chance! Things got steadily worse for United; Rooney limping off, Scholesey lashing out at Scallygher (sadly not connecting) and earning a red card, John O'Shea coming on as a sub, oh dear.

As the clock ticks into the first of 4 long minutes of stoppage time that we have to hold on for, Giggs wins us a free-kick on the left. That'll waste a bit of time! Ronaldo's delivery is a beauty, low & hard, and Saha dives in but doesn't connect. However, it's enough to fool Reina who fails to collect & the rebound drops to a white shirt on the edge of the 6-yard box who sidefoots it into the roof of the Kop net. Absolute bedlam ensues.

As the bodies pile on top of me, as I hug the 10th random bloke in as many seconds, I start to realise what has just happened; John O'Shea, of all people, has written his name in United history. The man who scored the goal that will surely bring back the title is one of the players whose blinding mediocrity is the reason the trophy has spent so much time in the capital recently. The irony is fucking superb!

With the euphoria of the Utd victory fast subsiding, we turned our thoughts towards this evening's game. A win is vital & if we don't get it here then it would be a crisis point. Most of us seem confident of nicking it & a taxi is booked to take us to Weaste & a few beers in the church hall. As we make our way onto the Shed the heavens start to open. This cannot be a good sign for a fast-flowing open game (which given that we're on Sky it would be nice to serve up) & sadly I'm right. To make it worse for the viewing public, kids get in free tonight (a good move by the club if I may say so) & are given an annoying horn on their way into the ground (a shocking move by the club if I may say so). For 80 minutes a pathetic, annoying whine is the backdrop to a shocking game of RL. What an embarrassment.

The performance didn't really matter, getting the confidence boosting W was all that counted. We certainly made the perfect start with a sweeping right to left move creating the space for Luke Dorn to go over on the 6th tackle play. Johnny Wilshere added a superb conversion & all was well with the world (except for those bloody horns). If anything though, the play became even scrappier after the try. Robbo put a nice kick in for Daley Williams to chase but the Video Ref correctly ruled out the score.

The 2nd half unfortunately continued in much the same vein. We had most of the pressure & to be fair never really looked like losing, when Les Cats did pressurise us, our line defence was much, much better than in recent weeks. As the game went into the final 10 minutes, an Alker scoot found a big gap in the visitors line and the skipper touched down for the clinching score. In the dying seconds, the french failed to deal with a hopeful punt into the corner & john Wilshere appeared to have added a bit of gloss to the scoreline only to see the VR controversially chalk it off. Difficult one this one, I can see why he disallowed it but if you look at every try close enough & in super-super slo-mo, you'll eventually find something wrong with most of them.

The feeling in the Tavern afterwards was mainly one of relief at the victory, together with annoyance about those bloody horns. Of course it was a perfect opportunity to wind the Parkin clan up about earlier events at Anfield & that was too good an opportunity to miss out on. The lads were all scooting off to the Height & I was just about to join them when Nic called to say she was on her way to meet me with the girls. Shit! As it was we had a relatively uneventful night ti the Tav while I'm told I missed a classic night on the Height. Oh well, I suppose you can't have everything eh!

Wakefield Trinity Wildcats 36 Salford City Reds 24

And then there are some days which are just so mind-numbingly awful you just wish for the invention of a memory eraser so that you don't waste one more minute of your life dwelling over such a mind-numbingly futile day.

Optimism was definitely high after the previous week's comeback in the capital & as we arrived at Victoria station for the train to Leeds, the concourse was impressively full of reds ready for an earlyish arrival in Yorkshire. A laughter-filled journey to Leeds ensued with the highlight most definitely being Deano's attempts to make us believe he really does look like Tom Cruise. As we landed in my former home city we noticed we had a 30 minute wait for the next train to Wakey, only 1 thing for it then; pint. GT ordered some ridiculously strong ale which when I asked for it the barman enquired "Does he know how strong it is?". "Yeah", I replied, "I'm only letting him have four though. He's gotta drive us home after". The barman met me with a look of utter disgust before I assured him he was joking & made a mental note to myself to remember just how humourless Wetherspoons' bar staff can be.

As we made our way to the platform we spotted a familiar face clad in a crombie & a fedora. It was Stevo, Sky Sports analyst/tool for Super League coverage. I dashed across to request a photo & Stevo duly obliged before spending 10 minutes talking to us about the game, Luke Dorn, Steve Ganson (a wanker said Stevo, we agree said we) and his fellow commentary team. He then bade us farewell before heading back to London (having asked where we drink after home games & saying he'd have a few beers with us next week). Top bloke. So we headed through the barrier & made our way to the Wakey train only to be asked by some Loiner "Was that Stevo?", "Yeah", "Which game's he off to then?" "He's not, he's going home" "Australia?"!!!! This had us conjuring up an imagined platform announcement for the 13:10 to Sydney calling at Heckmondwike, Cleckheaton, Knottingley, Bangkok & Melbourne.

We landed in Wakey & headed to the first pub (I can never remember the name of it) & stopped there for a while bringing out Stevoism's everywhere "Someone's got to get the message out, this lager is warm" or "That boy Danny Holmes he is a BIG unit". Soon enough I had to head back to the station to meet Paul & we were soon heading more central to settle an argument; a gang of us reckoned that the Snooty Fox on the way to Belle Vue was the roughest pub in the world while Solly & Walshy reckoned it was some place they ended up in last season. The only way to settle it was by visiting both & I had to say that the youngsters had it spot-on. Time to head to the ground.

Wakey had the better of the early part of the game and their territorial advantage was pressed home by 2 Rooney penalties. However, Salford started to look more threatening after those early warnings & it was no great surprise when Finnigan crashed over from close-range & Wilshere tagged on the extras. We then had a lot of control in the game but tellingly fell away afterwards to allow Atkins & McGillivray to give Wakey a commanding half-time lead of 16-6.

Anyone for more 2nd-half heroics? No, we were even more woeful in the 2nd stanza (another Stevoism). The worst of the 3 Hendersons was allowed to score as was the very impressive Tevita Latu with a token effort by young Luke Adamson sandwiched in between these measures of Wakefield's superiority. A fight-back which never appeared on was briefly hinted at when Haggy went on a barn-storming break & stayed in support to touch-down by the sticks. Then Daley Williams squeezed over wide-out & we were back within 6 points. However, fittingly Rooney had the last say as he completed a deserved Wakey victory.

There's only 1 way to react to a performance like that; beer. We headed over the road to Monty's & found a quiet corner to mull over how piss-poor we were. I don't really want to dwell on the events that followed but people who think that half pool-cues are a good accompaniment to a game of rugby league are just scum. The quiet pint ended up with me outside a pub surrounded by Wakey "fans" looking for an excuse to kick shit out of me while thinking that my blind mate was still inside wearing his Salford shirt & anything could be happening to him. Not a pleasant feeling at all, thankfully Ian & Martin had got Paul out of a fire exit and all was well. Unfortunately not all Salford fans in the pub could say the same.

We all met up again in the next pub down the road, Tony's face looked a lot better once it had been cleaned up & we felt it was only right to go on with the rest of the night. The usual suspects headed off to a karaoke pub near the station to serenade the locals. Bobby gave a virtuoso performance on Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me (assisted by myself after those immortal lines "Ladies & Gentlemen, Mr Yorkie Red") which earned a standing ovation and of course Matchstalk Men & Cats & Dogs was given a good airing.

Then we did the usual routine; Reflex & Flares before heading on the last train to Leeds & back to the Wetherspoons where initially the barstaff claimed I was barred!!! After pointing out that errrr, no I wasn't and mass consultation between barstaff, I was eventually served. We arrived back on the platform for the train to Piccadilly to find that Paul had had his collar felt for having a piss on the platform & that cheered us all up no end. And still the fun & games were not over; as we made our way back over the pennines, some weird gay guy from Leeds started talking to us. After a while, he started to take an unhealthy interest in young Martin (to the point of following him to the toilet). Now Martin is only young and really didn't know how to handle the situation really so another fight looked a short-priced favourite for a while but we slowly calmed Martin down & explained to the guy that there was nowt down for him. However, when we got to Manchester & he was still following us I had to go & have a word. Freak!

All in all, a lot of laughs & predominantly a very good day but the events between 3:30 & 5:30'ish would be best banished from our memories I reckon.

Harlequins RL 18 Salford City Reds 18

The day starts unfeasibly early! A late-afternoon/early-evening/late-night drinking session with John_D while watching Half Man Half Biscuit had left me with a fair old hangover so the thought of a 4 hour coach-journey to West London did not fill me with joy. Anyway, three bleary-eyed people (me, Nic & Jan) in Salford shirts fell into a taxi to take us to The Willows (via the off-licence naturally) to meet up with the infamous Turkey funbus. And what a chariot it was! Looking like the bastard offspring of a Skoda and an articulated lorry, it appeared to have a suspension specifically designed by the Marquis de Sade. Any chance of hearing the choonage blasting out via Iain's MP3 was negated by an engine that was only slightly quieter than your average Boeing 747.

I had struck a deal with myself not to have a beer before 12pm. However as the M602 transformed into the M62, I found myself rummaging around in the bag to pull out a San Miguel. The satisfied look on my face after the first gulp obviously brought on a craving for ale from the ladies behind me & Nic asked me to get them a beer too. Struggling to hold my beer while rummaging around for their piss-weak brews & looking for the bottle-opener would ultimately lead to disaster as my ale toopled from its precarious grasp & proceeded to roll around the bus. We hadn't reached Warrington yet & the bus was swimming in beer while I was a bottle out of pocket. Not impressed at all.

The constant flow of beer on a bus built before the toilet was probably even invented could only have one inevitable conclusion; the whole bus pleading with the driver to pull over at the first M40 service station. As we pulled up & the whole bus de-camped to dash for the loo well let's just say that Salford shirts have never been seen to move so fast since Keith Fielding was in his pomp!

Eventually we arrived at The Stoop to be herded around by various jobsworth car-park attendants who eventually found us a spot nearer to Birmingham than to the ground. How big an attendance were they actually expecting? To make matters worse, the ground wasn't open yet & so we had to walk into Twickenham to find some refreshment. Making our way into the 1st pub (The Cabbage Patch) we were greeted by a wall of heat & a revolting smell. It's as well that for most of us the 1st port of call was to be the toilet as it was the most fragrant spot in the boozer. Needless to say we just had a quick one in there before heading next door & then back to the ground.

OK, it's a yawnion ground but I love the Stoop. Huge bars, friendly locals, it's fast becoming one of my favourite away haunts & the only downside pre-game is the lack of Utd on any of the many screens in the Kings Bar. Luckily Iain manages to get one of the tellies flipped over & we set about watching 20 mins of the plagarist Red Devils before heading out to watch the originals.
15 mins into the game & I'm considering going back to watch Utd. A cross-field kick gives Tyrone Smith time to clean his boots before taking the ball over the line for the opening score (although he looked suspiciously offside to me). Chris Melling ran in a 2nd shortly after (with a possible hint of obstruction?) before some woeful defence allowed Sykes in for a 3rd. Only some poor kicking kept us remotely in the game at 14-0. We were atrocious.

A rare foray into the Quins half & Robbo gets it out to Finnigan who plays a smart pass around the back to Wilshere to scoot over, Hodgy adding a brilliant conversion. Then amazingly Wilshere hacks through from a clever kick and despite an obvious forward pass, Robbo pulls us right back into the game. How we go in at half-time only 4 points in arrears no-one knows.

We play a bit better 2nd half but it's Quins who apply the 1st serious pressure as Rinaldi goes close. He gets up to play the ball but Bentham puts the square in the air. To our relief the big screen nearby indicates a clear double-movement. Penalty to us, but wait he's still looking at it & slowly to my disbelief I start to realise he's gonna give the try. Surely not but yes the T-R-Y appears to our left & the Salford end goes mental. The screen shows Robbo's gob-smacked reaction to the award & Rhino's clear annoyance. In the ensuing protests from our fans stewards move in to calm some of our boys down & Ignito is dismissed from the touchline lmao.

We continue to plug away & the impressive Buddha goes close after a cross-field kick caused panic but we rarely look like scoring until we create an oprning for Andy Coley, with men over he chose to go alone but just manged to ground the ball & bring us back into the game. Come on. With a couple of minutes to go we're back on the attck when Dorn is tackled high; penalty. Korki drives the ball in & keeps driving & keeps driving & he's over the line, did he get it down? Back we go to the VR; he got it down! Absolute mayhem ensues amongst our fans, it is one of the great goons of all time. Only 92 secs remaining, easy kick to come. Beautiful!

Klein takes an age to make his mind up, here it comes; "TRY - Benefit of the doubt". WHAT FUCKING DOUBT? Anyway it is madness again in our section as we celebrate a dramatic win but then I see Hodgy getting ready to kick in front of us & you can see he doesn't fancy it. True enough he screws it wide & we're left with a draw. Still most of us would have took that at the start & we would have definitely took it 20 mins into the game. We all head down to clap the players, Nicknito comes back onto the pitch before stewards kick him off again. I get thrown over the advertising boards & on to the pitch before we head back to the bar.

A great night in the bar again, a good chat with some Quins fans & a good sing-off (even though they only have 2 songs). The band are decent too, a really good night had by all & we head back to the bus drunk but happy. There's plenty to laugh about on the way home:-
"Why are you late?", "I like a drink"
Gaydon
Oxford Services
Big hats

Eventually we all have a bit of a snooze & arrive back to a cold Willows about 2:30am. Good day out, we'll be back in September.

Salford City Reds 26 Leeds Rhinos 30

At last, the new season arrives. I awake to a very grumpy girlfriend (she has to work today & missing the season opener was definitely not part of her plans). Her mood is not lifted by my chirpiness as I get ready. A taxi is ordered for 11 am & I'm soon enjoying a coffee & a breakfast in The Eccles Cross in the company of Janice (Nic's mum). With a lining on my stomach I set about the task of consuming my own body-weight in alcohol! First up was a glass of Zenith-juice (a blue lagoon with lager) before jumping a tram down to the Weaste area.

Our planned destination was the church hall near the ground & the early signs were good. As we walked through the car-park a cheery voice shouted "Bar's open lads" before turning his attention back to his hot-dog. However, on entering the hall instead of being greeted by loads of beered-up rugby fans we are surrounded by tea-drinking geriatrics! The staff explain that they forgot there was a game on but we're still more than welcome to have a beer or ten. We politely make our excused & head for an already busy Tavern where I join the Turkey mob in demolishing some Guinness.

Ignito (Salford's bizarrely camp mascot) pops into the Tavern & glad-hands a few of the younger patrons prompting much mirth amongst us. I tell Iain that Janice popped into the club shop during the week only to find Ignito sat down eating a sandwich. Iain is shcked to find that super-heroes need to eat & this prompts his girlfriend to ask us if we know who the man behind the mask is. Neither of us do.

By 2:30 I'm getting restless & want to get in the ground. It's a good job I do, the Shed is heaving already & I struggle to get a good spot. The atmosphere pre-game is rocking but the players do there bit to kill it stone-dead! An early penalty gives Leeds a great attacking position & Brent Webb arrives in the line to score after just 2 minutes; 0-6 Leeds. Worse was to follow another penalty, another great attacking position & McGuire ghosts over; 0-12 Leeds. Salford rally and after some good pressure Wilshere sweeps in at the corner. We keep the pressure on & Leeds are now giving away pens allowing Robbo to reduce the arrears to 6-12. We're now firmly camped in the Whinos half but can't get back over their line. With 5 minutes to go we're pulled up for obstruction from the resulting pen Leeds are over again. Hodgy puts the restart out on the full & from the resulting pen....guess what. Somehow we go in 6-24 down. Gutted!

We start the 2nd half with more pressure on the Leeds line and Wilshere goes in again at the corner before Aaron, Aaron Moule burrows over from dummy half to give us real hope. However, a rare Leeds attack sees Wilshere go from hero to zero as he fumbles a kick to allow Tansey in to make it 30-16. Sinfield missed with the extras but surely it's game over. Somehow though we fightback again; Haggy drives over the line & grounds the ball then a lovely sweeping move ends with Aaron, Aaron Moule diving over to send the Shed into absolute bedlam. Sadly time is against us & once again Leeds just about shade it.

Paul asks me to guide him to the club-shop after the game so he can buy the new shirt. While we're in the queue to pay in walks Ignito (closely followed by Iain). I'm a little perplexed by him coming over to shake my hand but even more gobsmacked when from under his mask I hear "See you in the Tavern in a bit Yorkie". WHAT, that's Nick's voice, Nick is Ignito! Iain tells me that the penny dropped as he walked out of the ground only for Ignito to shout "Wait up Iain!" I only hope he gets well paid to do that shit.

The post-mortem in the Tavern is fairly positive. For all but the first 10 minutes & last 5 minutes of the 1st half we were in complete control. Edmo looked quality & we looked a lot more dangerous with ball in hand. We'll play worse this season & win comfortably, you can be sure of that. The beers continue to flow in The Tav & all the old songs are getting an airing before we're warned to keep it dowm. This brings out a trademark Solly rant "I'm not being told not to sing in my own club!" & taxis are ordered to take us up to the Height.

At this point things start to get a bit blurred. There's already a gaggle of Reds on the Height (including Nic & Janice) so we're in good company. There's some very camp dancing on display in the Dog and also a very poor karaoke version of Matchstalk Men & Cats & Dogs by myself & Nicknito the Gay Power Ranger. Business as usual I suppose.

The Calm Before The Storm

Well, nearly 5 months have passed since the final hooter sounded on the 2006 season. The sound of the siren at Odsal brought an end to our first ever run in the play-offs (a run which officially lasted 80 minutes but which most of us accepted was over when we conceded 2 tries in the opening 6 minutes)! Despite the disappointment of a thorough trouncing it was a time for celebration, a team which many observers had tipped for relegation had finished the season in 5th place in the final league standings & had given us many, many moments to remember. As per usual we went straight to the nearest pub & sang our heads off in prasise of our completely-outplayed heroes. The assembled Bradford fans watched on in something akin to disbelief.

So what did I do next? Well, I allowed my liver to recover somewhat from the battering it takes during a season, I lost 10 pounds (although I'm still a fat twat) & I moved back to the right side of the pennines (or left-side I suppose geographically). I've moved in with my girlfriend Nic amd obviously I've started a new job (although early indications would suggest I've made a bad move career-wise).

Mostly though I've looked forward to the new season! Of the players we've lost only 2 will be seriously missed (Dunemann & Rutgerson) but we've brought in quality replacements in the form of Luke Dorn & Michael Korkidas. The addition of Mark Edmondson will also strengthen our pack no end. Young Luke Adamson looked good last year & will doubtless come on even more this yeat while new signing Lee Jewitt impressed me greatly when I saw him play for Wigan U18's.

The pre-season, however, did little to increase my early optimism. First came the news that Fitzy will miss most of the season & that was followed by 3 friendly defeats. First to a strong-looking Warrington side who recovered from conceding an early Halliwell try to completely boss the game. The only highlights from a Salford perspective were seeing Briers crying when he sprained his ankle & Korkidas knocking Westwood halfway round the Willows in the dying seconds.

Next up came a midweek game with Wigan for Mal Alker's testimonial. A poor first half gave no indication of the fine game we would witness after the re-start. Again there was a great punch-up (Highton & Paleasiina were the protagonists this time). Hodgy's late drop-goal appeared to have won the game for us until a moment of madness by Mal himself gifted Wigan 1 last opportunity from a scrum which they duly took & stole the spoils.

Finally a visit to my old stomping-ground of Whitefield to see us take on Swin(e)ton. A good performance from our kids wasn't enough to hold out a spirited Piggers' outfit & we narrowly lost a high-scoring, enjoyable thriller.

Still at least we only have Leeds to start the season with eh!